I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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