If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Still dying that you shit outside
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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