Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
