I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
