Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Never joke about your clitoris.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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