I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
