just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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