I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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