I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
