Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
