I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
