In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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