can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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