Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
