Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
