I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i love accidental penises.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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