i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
