Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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