she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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