He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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