OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
