weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
