Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
