When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
