Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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