do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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