Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
