i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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