i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
