you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
