I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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