1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Im part way to drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
