so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
