It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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