is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
