The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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