got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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