I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish i was in the wii world.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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