We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
