the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
