I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
