I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
nutella sex= disaster
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
