Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
