Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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