Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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