Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
