I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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