Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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