who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
