my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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