Banned from zoo.
Again?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
