drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Shame - the story of my life.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
