just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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