remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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