Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
