Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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