we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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