YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
