At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
